shaking.

today i shot the most difficult assignment i've ever shot.

i had to cover the funeral of a two-year-old boy.

i have never felt so unsure of myself and so obtrusive. there's no way that i can see to turn everything off and do my job. every movement, every weak smile of apology, every click of the shutter that echoes through the entire church.

it's so hard.

to watch a family grieving over a tiny casket, even when no one is telling you to stop watching, stop clicking. it was impossible to press that button. i think i only took 30 frames, but they were the most difficult 30 frames of my life so far.

my chest hurt. my stomach hurt. my lungs would not breathe. my eyes watered, on the brink of tears. but this was not my grief, not my place to grieve. i was there to photograph, and i think i failed. and i went to the office and cried in the photo studio.

now i have to photograph my next 2 assignments like any other day.

this day is bananas. b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

that's right. the one. the only.

equipped not with pink hair or braces, but instead with several japanese dancers.

a little of what i felt like trying to shoot the show from the floor when everyone in the audience stood up:
...and the best part: the little asian dancers dressed in costumes that made them look like cupcakes. little, dancing cupcakes.
if only i were asian enough... ahem, i mean awesome enough.... for gwen to take me on tour as a backup dancer.

halloween continued.

so i had the pleasure of spending almost 4 hours on halloween photographing kids in costumes trick-or-treating. well, not really. apparently nowadays kids go with their parents to malls or storefronts in their costumes rather than go door-to-door. at least, that's how they seem to do it around these parts. when i was a kid, all the excitement was about the surprise at each house. it seems like such a waste to put so much effort into a costume just to walk up to a lady in her store with a basket and have her dump 2 lollipops and a handful of candy corn into your plastic pumpkin.

but maybe that's just me. either way, you can't go wrong with kids in costumes outside before sunset. makes for some good picture-taking situations.

i was pretty stoked to get these two photos, mostly because it involved me pulling myself out of this slump i've been in lately with daily work. all the stores on a main drag in stockton opened their doors for trick-or-treaters, but mostly it was kids and parents in the street. i was walking by a dress shop, and i saw a little girl dressed like minnie mouse playing with a couple chihuahuas.

at first, i thought, no no no, i'm not going to walk into that store. so i took a couple steps then told myself to suck it up and walk in. i got in there, and this girl was watching the dogs while her friends got dolled up in their costumes in one of the dressing rooms. a little different scenery from the rest of the shots, and i never would have known if i hadn't forced myself to walk in.

so happy halloween... a day late.